Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
