Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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