I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Green mimosas i think yes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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