Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
