you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
