Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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