I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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