ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
did i walk over a car last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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