finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
