I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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