Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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