Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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