Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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