And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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