It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
