My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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