i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
