If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
