So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
