Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need water and some morals
Randomize