We named our party play list daddy issues
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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