She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
