I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
