and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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