On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
