i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
