god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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