Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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