Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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