I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
