I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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