I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
