sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Even my vagina gasped.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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