I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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