She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They took my balls.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
