I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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