Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So many bounce houses so little time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
