You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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