Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
