I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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