one two three fourrrrnication!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
