Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
