When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dicks are not precious.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
