FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
