What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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