your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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