Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
