I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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