So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone shattered a urinal.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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