you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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