he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
