And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
