Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
