Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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