Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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