Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
