We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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