i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize