I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
