i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
