A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
