just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
