you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
