Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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