So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
