oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
