Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
