shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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