dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
