We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
