12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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