Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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