I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
