hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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