I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to have your abortion
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
