Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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