I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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