with your own penis?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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