Just took my morning after pill in the library
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
